Thanksgiving day

I give myself a B for today. I was a bit nervous about how'd I'd eat today. I did snack a little more than I'd like; however, I did only eat one plate of food with a small slice of pumpkin pie. I ran this morning and I plan to do the same tomorrow. Exercising is something I planned to add to my daily routine once I finished the cleanse.

K, me tired. Talk to you guys later...

My name is Mrs. Chewy McChewerson

Formerly Miss Drinky McSlurp. I'm eating an orange right now and it's really weird! I've only had two slices and I can't describe how eerie this feels.

This cleanse definitely makes me think twice, three times before I consume something. I keep thinking about what the thin peel of the orange is going to do inside of my digestive system. Will it react weird? I can just see my intestines saying, "WTF is this! Oh hell no. It was smooth sailing before. Now THIS?"

I'm the Master Cleanse MASTER!!

Losing 10 pounds has made me a very cold person. No more fat to give me good ol' warmth, like the old days... the old gluttonous Stephanie days. Remember that time? Let's hope I keep off the excess weight and add on some good mindfulness of eating. Why the hell was I an organic freak at the grocery store yesterday? I'm scared to put food in body right now. Excited!... but scared, too.

My eating plan for the day:

I have homemade vegetable broth stewing right now. That'll take about an hour to make. I'll bring that to work.
This morning, I'll have the lemonade without the cayenne pepper.
Mid morning I'll have the lemonade with a little bit of orange juice.
Lunch time? Orange juice.
Mid afternoon snack? This is a biggie: Veggie broth.
Dinner sounds awesome... Udon noodle soup, with my veggie broth as the base. And a couple chews of bok choy and mushrooms.

I must take it slow and listen to my stomach today. It's gonna be in shock. Deal with it tummy, cuz I'm eating!

I ate

kind of. I chewed on a nut, freaked out and then spit it out. Once I still tasted and felt the peanut in my mouth, I ran to the sink, rinsed my mouth out and then spit it out.

The willpower is quickly leaving me...

I just came back from the grocery store. I figured that by tomorrow night, I might be able to eat solids. So I decided that I might want to eat some udon noodles with my vegetable broth, with a couple chews of bok choy. mmmmmmm.

Also, I weighed myself. I lost 10 pounds.

In-n-Out

I want an In-n-Out cheeseburger with grilled onions and fries. No soda, just water.

My last fucking day!!

Oh yeah, baby! I almost ate chips last night but thank god Gabe pulled them away. The upsetting thing is that I don't even get to really eat tomorrow. I have to ease in with vegetable broth, orange juice.

So I made jambalaya last night. First time I've made the damn dish and I didn't even eat it. Yes, it was my choice. A stupid one. But it was my choice to make it. Funny how I had a constant urge to make food on this diet. I put a little bit of it in my mouth to see if the rice was ready. OMG. It was so good.

Since I can't really eat solids tomorrow, maybe I'll just chew a bunch of food I like and then spit it out. I'll be somewhere between a bulimic and an anoroxic.

I did something bad last night

I licked a piece of meat from Gabe's dinner. Does that mean I have to start all over again?

I feel like quitting

I have this constant urge to cook food. I watched Iron Chef last night. I wanted to cook Gabe breakfast this morning. Luckily for me, I couldn't get my ass out of bed at 7:30 before he left to work. Now I want to cook shrimp jambalaya for dinner. Why oh why do I want to do this?

I can't believe I haven't chewed in 9 days. Rishi called me 5 minutes ago to see how I was doing... Nice of him. EXCEPT the fact that the whole time were were talking, Rishi decided to munch and crunch on......... CHIPS!!! Thanks for the support, Rishi.

I'm off to the grocery store to get some vegetables to make some broth to "eat" on Tuesday. Late.

I tried running

and I don't think I was ready for it. I ran for 15 minutes and walked back. Perhaps I didn't drink enough before I started because I don't feel so good. Plan B for today is to clean the house, so I'll do that. Maybe I should get a new orchid at Trader Joe's. The one my friend, Liana gave me is dead and chillin in my living room, all wilted and partly yellow in the leaves.

I can't help but stop thinking about quitting. I only have two more days left and I want to say FUCK IT. I looked up casserole recipes to cook for dinner tonight. How absurd is that? I'm looking up recipes to cook but not for myself. I did that the other day. I got really excited about cooking seasoned potatoes for Gabe. Those potatoes could have been the shiznizzle but I wouldn't know. Gabe said they tasted good but he could have been lying for all I know. And if he did lie and said they were good he knew that he could get away with it because I'd never know!!

The "high" feeling I had yesterday is gone. All I want to do is lay around and do nothing all day but I'm so anxious, so I can't. I tried vegging out at the couch this morning but I felt useless and guilty for wanting to do that - because that's what the old Steph would do... take the easy road and be a lazy ass.

OK, I'm off. I'll clean the damn house.

You should see my tongue...

It's very white in the middle. And my mouth feels like it has a film cover. I just talked to Jenn (my sister, for those of you who don't know) and she said the reason I'm feeling weird today is because my body is really detoxing. I've read that people have black poo or it burns when they go #2 at this point in the cleanse. Haven't had that but all those symptoms are supposed to show that the toxins are leaving your body. I haven't had that experience... yet.

It's friday night and I'm not really looking forward to the weekend. This weekend will be day 8 and 9 with no food. I usually look forward to the weekends because I can eat and take a nap. But I guess it's a good thing I won't eat because if it was a normal weekend I'd eat a shitload and then take a nap.

OMG, I just remembered something I did a long time ago. Here's some perspective at how nasty my eating habits were:

My good friend, Christine knows this story all too well. One time I ate Cheetos in bed. Yes, I really do love chips. The next morning, I went to class and after it was over, I was walking to my next class with Christine. She took a closer look and found something stuck on my face. Guess what it was. I'll give you a clue. It was orange.

I'm disgusting and I hope to never be that way again.

I feel high

More like "stoned" - I wonder why... For a few days this week, I felt so awake and up.

I wonder what would happen if I ate any of the following the day I get off the cleanse:

-Pop Rocks
-My fave drink, Orange Fanta
-Steak
-Mac n cheese, the instant microwaveable kind
-chips

I'd probably die. First my stomach would explode. Then, I'd die.

I have so much energy!

Energy? Good. Sleep at night? Good. Allergies? Gone.

Day 6

It's day 6 of my cleanse and it's 6 a.m. I've been up since 4:30 because I had some cramping. I did the salt water flush... you know the story. The stomach ache is gone and hopefully won't happen again today.

I'm going to a time management training today. Only problem is that folks are going to probably notice that I'll be taking about 1,427 trips to the bathroom to pee. I think I go to the bathroom every 15-30 minutes. At least at work, I'm not in a classroom setting and people are looking at their desks/computers so no one really notices how often I take the trip to the bathroom.

I'm feeling very anxious for this to end now. I guess what will get me through the day is that I'll get to watch The Office tonight. Oh wait! The writer's strike. Fuck. I hope it's a new episode.

If I could eat something right now, it would be an egg on toast, or what I like to call "eggy bread" and one bite (just one bite) of bacon.

I'm not me

If you know me well, you'd be surprised to know that I've evolved into the following:

a) a clean freak
b) someone who can smell, breathe out of my nose
c) not sleepy

Say what?

Yeah, who knows if these new personality traits will stick around when I'm off the cleanse. Though, out of the three, I'd like to definitely keep option b and c to my post master cleanse life. Before this, I pretty much had a notorious allergy problem. I've been told I breathe so loudly out of my mouth, I sound like Darth Vader.

I'll probably just jinx myself but I've had a really positive experience so far. I'm halfway to my goal and I haven't had a crappy day yet. Today probably was the worst, just because all day I felt like I was going to have a headache but every single time I felt like it was going to come, I guzzled a bunch of water.

I'm awake and hyper all day, I sleep well at night, I haven't had a sip of alcohol, my skin feels softer.

I lasted through a work Thanksgiving potluck, free pizza at work again AND an event at the Supperclub with fancy shmancy three course meal. Yeah, folks... I'm the bomb diggity.

Thinking of doing it? Here's the recipe...

What you need for the 10-day master cleanse:
*LOTS of lemons and/or limes, preferably organic
*At least 80 fluid ounces of grade B maple syrup
*1/2 pound of non-iodized sea salt, light gray saltic sea salt
*Cayenne pepper, powdered (organic preferred)
*Box of herbal laxative tea (smooth move)
*Peppermint tea (use
*5 gallons purified water with no fluoride
*3 gallons extra

Recipe
*2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemons or lime juice
*2 tablespoons of grade B organic maple syrup
*1/10 teaspoon cayenne pepper (or 1/8 tspoon)
*8 ounces purified spring water
***Drink at least 6 of these a day

Make sure to CONSTANTLY drink water throughout the day. One good tip... every time you drink the spicy lemonade, drink twice as much water.

Every night (including the night before you start it), drink smooth move, laxative tea (1 cup)

*Next morning, drink quart (four cups) of water with 2 teaspoons of salt (drink all in one sitting) – experiment with temp of water to your liking, mix water until salt completely dissolves
Please note: The salt water drink is very difficult to consume. Try to drink it as fast as you can and all in one sitting. You'll have the "urge" soon after. This is really the staple to this detox... This actually CLEANSES you.
Very important: ½ hour to hour, stay near a toilet for the next one hour to half hour – plan day accordingly

40 percent done

Four days ago I started the master cleanse. If you're not familiar, most people recognize it as the lemonade diet. Or that thing Beyonce did to lose 20-something pounds. Or what people often misconceive as a diet to lose weight fast. Yes, I've been losing weight but it's so much more than that.

Rewind to five days ago... My work kindly provided lunch, candy, OJ, coffee, bagels and cream cheese (garlic and herbs, baby). And yes, I ate all of the above. For some of these food items, I went for seconds, thirds. At the end of that day, I felt like shit. I was full, my pants were way too tight, I was tired and grumpy. It was Friday... I'm supposed to be happy for the weekend.

Despite the fact that I felt like I ate too much for that day, I soon forgot about how I felt 20 minutes after I stuck a piece of Take Five in my mouth at 3 p.m.

By 4:30 p.m., I decided to eat another half sandwich before leaving work. Ugh. So what did I do when I got home? Gabe and I ate. Because that's what we do. Eat. That's what I do with everyone I know.

I eat. I eat fast. I eat until I feel too full to function. I'm sick of feeling this way and being a glutton. Don't be fooled by my frame - it's called a fast metabolism. But it's no excuse to stuff my mouth every time I feel slightly hungry. I decided to get rid of all my body's toxins and, hopefully, have a better outlook on my lifestyle with food.

I heart chips... but I'm curious to see what I think of them in six days.