I heart chips: The Chronicles of Cleansing

Day 7: Staying determined

2008-09-30T06:15:00.001-07:00

You know what? Forget about all that smack I said about giving up. I woke up this morning (at of course, bright and early at 5:30) and realized that I got this far and I should be damn proud of myself. I've been complaining about how difficult this detox has been and it definitely has been a bumpy one but I should be happy that I've been able to get this far.

My nose is still a little clogged and I'm going to stick with my sister's advice that it's probably my body detoxing. Usually, when your body detoxes, the parts of your body that need the detox get bad before it gets better. So I'll take yesterday's allergy attack as that. Plus, on this cleanse, people usually really start detoxing around day 7... I guess I just got mine early.

So last night, I watched Gabe eat his dinner. He had a chicken burger with cheddar cheese, grilled onions and tomatoes with a side southwest salad from Trader Joe's. MMMMMMMMM! It looked really good. After that meal, I was aching for food. Instead of the usual sniff of food to get my fix, I decided to cruise online for a perfect post-fast recipe that can be made in my favorite kitchen tool: the crock pot. I know I'm going to have soup the first day, so I found this yummy looking recipe that has my favorite weird veggie: okra. It says to add canned and frozen stuff but I'll put fresh produce instead. None of that processed, frozen, preservative stuff.

Oh, one more thing. I forgot to mention my favorite part of day 6: Gabe got me a massage and that shiz was AWESOME!!!

Day 6.9

2008-09-29T22:03:00.000-07:00

Almost to day 7 and it's been a pretty difficult ride. I've been cleaning more lately. I think I do it so I can keep my mind off food.

I've been getting more stomach aches. Never a head ache but sometimes a tummy problem. I'm tired. Going to watch the rest of the 60 minutes I taped last night. G'nite.

Day 6: Very close to quitting

2008-09-29T12:17:00.001-07:00

I'm starting to have a really bad reaction to this cleanse and I don't know if it's working for me... Although I'm not denouncing the Master Cleanse - it changed my life last year. But the whole reason I wanted to do this was to clear out my allergies and find the root of it, which I thought was caused by food.

Then how come I'm sneezing, stuffy nosed and teary eyed? This sucks and leaves me at a crossroads. Should I wait to see if the allergies go away? Should I wait it out? But even if I do wait it out, doesn't that mean food may not even be the reason for these allergies? I mean... I haven't eaten in 6 days! Unless I'm allergic to lemons/limes/cayenne pepper/grade B maple syrup/salt water. Nah, I would have had the reaction from day 1.

This sucks. Off to blow my nose...

Half done

2008-09-28T10:50:00.000-07:00

Since I'm in the morning of my fifth day, I'm more like at a medium rare right now. But who's really counting here? The glass is half full, baby!

I went on a cleaning and organizing rampage yesterday. My house looks so good! That's the good side of things.

The bad? As I was saying, my body is feeling fine. Hmm, actually I take that back. Well, you know how I have to do the salt water flush in the morning? I've been waking up before I have to do that and I go to the bathroom anyway - even before the flush. And this may be TMI but whatever. If I gross you out, I gross you out. But I've been feeling like I have to puke in the morning as well. That's a whole new feeling, definitely didn't feel like that last time.

Overall, this time has been a lot more difficult for me. I think my experience before was TOO positive and I psyched myself up for the same feeling here.

My mind is just screwing with me! I'll be watching TV and usually (even when I'm not on the cleanse) I'll see fast food commercials and I'll be disgusted and not tempted at all. But now when I see them I want to be all over it! I was watching Clerks 2 yesterday and I even wanted a burger from Mooby's. Ugh. I think of fruit and vegetables right now and I don't want to have to do with any of it.

I'm hoping and praying to the cleansing gods that I will not crave this stuff when I'm off the cleanse.

Day 4: Staying busy!

2008-09-27T12:14:00.000-07:00

It's a new day and it's beautiful outside. Last night was pretty tough for me. Like I said in my earlier post, I really wanted to give up. I wanted to say SCREW IT, I'm eating! But I realized that I'm not even hungry anymore. I'm starting to get that high feeling again. Don't know if that's just me being lightheaded but I definitely feel some sort of high.

I was going to hang with a couple of work buddies today in SF but decided not to go because I really want to take it easy today. I started on Wednesday and worked the first three days on the cleanse. Sorry for those of you I was supposed to meet up with :(

Like the last cleanse, I'm finding myself with a whole lot of free time. I thought that I'd veg out today but I felt disgusting just laying around the house watching TV. So, I talked to an old friend on the phone for a few, got my booty off the couch and cleaned my pigsty of a closet.

Cross your fingers guys! It's gonna be a long weekend for me...

I feel like giving up

2008-09-26T22:51:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's true. For all of you who've said they admire me for being able to do this - I actually feel like giving up. I'm not sure if I was this discouraged so early in the game when I did the cleanse the first time.

I was telling my friend, Katie that my experience this time is a lot different. Last time, I used to notice everyone's consumption and was pretty disgusted at how much crap everyone consumes. This time, I think... Ooooh. I want that!

People say that once you get over day three you're all good. I'm nearing the close of that day and it's a bit discouraging to think that I still have a whole week left. GAH!

I'm going to try my hardest to stay on this. My body feels fine. Definitely don't feel like Kelly Kapoor from the Office in last night's hilarious season premiere. But my mind is really getting to me.

Can I smell your lunch? Day 3

2008-09-26T12:16:00.000-07:00

Seriously. I want to smell your food and no, it doesn't make it worse for me. I can't describe the feeling well but smelling other people's food is comforting to me. I guess I like to self inflict pain.

I can smell, smell, smell like crazy right now. I was on the BART yesterday and I swear this woman wreaked of onions. I smell B.O. more often and I can just smell everything around me a lot better.

I've also been reading the Master Cleanse bulletin board and it's been very helpful to read about so many people's different experiences.

I'm just so glad it's Friday and that I'll be able to actually sleep in tomorrow. Yay!

Do I have to do the salt water flush?

2008-09-25T19:27:00.000-07:00

Yes, you should. If you do decide to do the Master Cleanse, you should do the salt water flush - every day. That's basically why this is called a cleanse. This is the actual part that "cleanses" you. My sister has a good analogy: Doing the Master Cleanse without the salt water flush is like brushing your teeth and not spitting.

More questions you may have been thinking...

Can you drink? Smoke?
No, that negates the whole process! If you're doing this to detox, then no.

So you really can't eat ANYTHING?
Yes, you just drink what I wrote in my last post - the spicy lemonade diet, laxative tea, lots of water and the salt water flush. No foods, no other drinks, just that. Snacking or drinking anything different will cause you to be even more hungry. Remember, eventually, the hunger stops, usually after day three.

Can you exercise?
Last time I did this, I tried running and that was a bad idea - I felt very sick afterward. I've heard that some people have exercised but the best thing to do is listen to your body. Most physical work I'll do in the next few days will probably be brisk walks.

Are you tired?
For the first few days, I'll be tired. My body is in shock right now. But eventually I expect that to go away and I'll have energy throughout the day and sleep well at night. The theory here is that your body usually takes up a lot of energy to digest food. I mean, think about it. Think about all the organs that are involved in just breaking down your food and how much work it takes to do so. Now that your body isn't using that energy to digest food, you'll have this unused energy...

You're surprisingly in an OK mood. How come you're not in a worse mood?
I went into this understanding that I'd be hungry and I was prepared to not feel good for the first few days. I believe that a big part of succeeding and finishing this cleanse is all in your head. If you believe you can do it, you will. If I had too many doubts, I probably would have quit yesterday.

Got any more questions? Let me know.

Day 2 and the Master Cleanse recipe

2008-09-25T05:56:00.000-07:00

It's 5:57 a.m. and I've been up for almost an hour. Geh. Every morning I must do a salt water flush. I won't get into great detail with you about this but it's what it sounds like. I must down four cups of water with two teaspoons of salt so that it can run through my body and flush itself out. Because of this daily process, I need to plan accordingly in the morning so that I can be near a bathroom. And since I ride BART every morning, I'd rather not be in transit when I need the ladies room readily available.

Anyway, I know that some of you are interested in participating in this little 10 day exercise. First of all, I really recommend you check out the creator's site and read his book before even starting. The book is a very short read and can be finished in less than a day. The Master Cleanse creator, Stanley Burroughs wrote the original, "The Master Cleanser" and another popular book about the cleanse, "Lose Weight, Have More Energy & Be Happier in 10 Days" are both on sale here. If you want to do this, I suggest you read, research and make a fully educated decision before jumping in and starting with ignorance. It'll be much more difficult for you to complete if you go in blind.

Here's the recipe and a few tips from my own experience:

Ingredients
*LOTS of lemons and/or limes, preferably organic
*At least 80 fluid ounces of grade B maple syrup
*1/2 pound of non-iodized sea salt, light gray saltic sea salt
*Cayenne pepper, powdered (organic preferred)
*Box of herbal laxative tea (smooth move)
*Peppermint tea (use
*5 gallons purified water with no fluoride
*3 gallons extra

Recipe
*2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemons or lime juice
*2 tablespoons of grade B organic maple syrup
*1/10 teaspoon cayenne pepper (or 1/8 tspoon)
*8 ounces purified spring water
***Drink at least 6 of these a day

Make sure to CONSTANTLY drink water throughout the day. One good tip... every time you drink the spicy lemonade, drink twice as much water right after. The lemon juice actually tears away at the enamel of your teeth so drinking water right after will help wash your mouth out. Another way to prevent the teeth issue is to drink out of a straw.

2 more wise tips: 1) If you're going to store the pure lemon juice or your drink, don't let it sit in a plastic container that can wear away and put in god knows what kind of plastic chemicals in your drink. 2) The cayenne pepper gets spicier the longer it sits. You might want to add the pepper right before you drink a serving(s).

Every night (including the night before you start it), drink smooth move, laxative tea (1 cup)

*Next morning, drink quart (four cups) of water with 2 teaspoons of salt (drink all in one sitting) – experiment with temp of water to your liking, mix water until salt completely dissolves
Please note: The salt water drink is very difficult to consume. Try to drink it as fast as you can and all in one sitting. You'll have the "urge" soon after. This is really the staple to this detox... This actually CLEANSES you.
Very important: ½ hour to hour, stay near a toilet for the next one hour to half hour – plan day accordingly

Oh no, lunch time! And why I'm doing the cleanse again

2008-09-24T12:12:00.000-07:00

Just about an hour ago, I was working at my office desk and thinking "where should I go for lunch?" Then a little tear dripped down from my face. Although I'd really like to eat this I've been gulping down my lemon-maplesyrup-cayennepepper martini. Hold on the olives please.

I've been feeling really reluctant about the cleanse this time. It's almost as if there's this little hungry man in the back of my mind telling me "yo lady! you won't complete it this time around!"

Anyway, to get another perspective on the Master Cleanse, here's this woman's experience: http://www.yestheyrefake.net/lemonade_diet_cleanse_journal.htm

She has before and after pictures. I considered doing that but I'm not doing it this time around to lose weight. As you can tell with my nasaly voice, I have chronic allergies and lately, they've been really bad. When I did the cleanse last year, it was a breath of fresh air. Literally. For the first time in years, I was able to breathe easily out of my nose.

Maybe I can take before and after shots of my nostrils for you :) Eh, that might be weird.

Pre-cleanse

2008-09-23T20:46:00.000-07:00

I just ate the last meal before my 2nd annual detox fast, also known as the Master Cleanse. As you know, this will be my second cleanse and I'm actually looking forward to it.

If you were wondering, I didn't think too long and hard about deciphering my last meal. It's like choosing what meal you're going to eat before death row... to a way lesser degree, of course. Anyway, I just ate leftover Indian food from one of my favorite places in Rockridge, Khana Peena on College. Their chicken tikka masala rocks my socks off.

Sorry about the tangent, after all, those chunks of lamb and chicken will be my last chewables for the next 10 days (assuming that I'll make it that far)! So if you're wondering about all the hype, an LA Times blogger wrote an interesting piece and included one bit of information that I thought was quite interesting: "Master Cleanse" was the most searched recipe in 2007 on Google.com.

Off to drink my smooth move tea, stay tuned for more and I'll be sharing the recipe with ya'll tomorrow.

Peace out, homies.

Thanksgiving day

2007-11-22T20:26:00.001-08:00

I give myself a B for today. I was a bit nervous about how'd I'd eat today. I did snack a little more than I'd like; however, I did only eat one plate of food with a small slice of pumpkin pie. I ran this morning and I plan to do the same tomorrow. Exercising is something I planned to add to my daily routine once I finished the cleanse.

K, me tired. Talk to you guys later...

My name is Mrs. Chewy McChewerson

2007-11-20T12:39:00.000-08:00

Formerly Miss Drinky McSlurp. I'm eating an orange right now and it's really weird! I've only had two slices and I can't describe how eerie this feels.

This cleanse definitely makes me think twice, three times before I consume something. I keep thinking about what the thin peel of the orange is going to do inside of my digestive system. Will it react weird? I can just see my intestines saying, "WTF is this! Oh hell no. It was smooth sailing before. Now THIS?"

I'm the Master Cleanse MASTER!!

2007-11-20T06:38:00.000-08:00

Losing 10 pounds has made me a very cold person. No more fat to give me good ol' warmth, like the old days... the old gluttonous Stephanie days. Remember that time? Let's hope I keep off the excess weight and add on some good mindfulness of eating. Why the hell was I an organic freak at the grocery store yesterday? I'm scared to put food in body right now. Excited!... but scared, too.

My eating plan for the day:

I have homemade vegetable broth stewing right now. That'll take about an hour to make. I'll bring that to work.
This morning, I'll have the lemonade without the cayenne pepper.
Mid morning I'll have the lemonade with a little bit of orange juice.
Lunch time? Orange juice.
Mid afternoon snack? This is a biggie: Veggie broth.
Dinner sounds awesome... Udon noodle soup, with my veggie broth as the base. And a couple chews of bok choy and mushrooms.

I must take it slow and listen to my stomach today. It's gonna be in shock. Deal with it tummy, cuz I'm eating!

I ate

2007-11-19T20:35:00.000-08:00

kind of. I chewed on a nut, freaked out and then spit it out. Once I still tasted and felt the peanut in my mouth, I ran to the sink, rinsed my mouth out and then spit it out.

The willpower is quickly leaving me...

I just came back from the grocery store. I figured that by tomorrow night, I might be able to eat solids. So I decided that I might want to eat some udon noodles with my vegetable broth, with a couple chews of bok choy. mmmmmmm.

Also, I weighed myself. I lost 10 pounds.

In-n-Out

2007-11-19T14:56:00.000-08:00

I want an In-n-Out cheeseburger with grilled onions and fries. No soda, just water.

My last fucking day!!

2007-11-19T11:21:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah, baby! I almost ate chips last night but thank god Gabe pulled them away. The upsetting thing is that I don't even get to really eat tomorrow. I have to ease in with vegetable broth, orange juice.

So I made jambalaya last night. First time I've made the damn dish and I didn't even eat it. Yes, it was my choice. A stupid one. But it was my choice to make it. Funny how I had a constant urge to make food on this diet. I put a little bit of it in my mouth to see if the rice was ready. OMG. It was so good.

Since I can't really eat solids tomorrow, maybe I'll just chew a bunch of food I like and then spit it out. I'll be somewhere between a bulimic and an anoroxic.

I did something bad last night

2007-11-18T14:38:00.000-08:00

I licked a piece of meat from Gabe's dinner. Does that mean I have to start all over again?

I feel like quitting

2007-11-18T13:31:00.000-08:00

I have this constant urge to cook food. I watched Iron Chef last night. I wanted to cook Gabe breakfast this morning. Luckily for me, I couldn't get my ass out of bed at 7:30 before he left to work. Now I want to cook shrimp jambalaya for dinner. Why oh why do I want to do this?

I can't believe I haven't chewed in 9 days. Rishi called me 5 minutes ago to see how I was doing... Nice of him. EXCEPT the fact that the whole time were were talking, Rishi decided to munch and crunch on......... CHIPS!!! Thanks for the support, Rishi.

I'm off to the grocery store to get some vegetables to make some broth to "eat" on Tuesday. Late.

I tried running

2007-11-17T12:39:00.001-08:00

and I don't think I was ready for it. I ran for 15 minutes and walked back. Perhaps I didn't drink enough before I started because I don't feel so good. Plan B for today is to clean the house, so I'll do that. Maybe I should get a new orchid at Trader Joe's. The one my friend, Liana gave me is dead and chillin in my living room, all wilted and partly yellow in the leaves.

I can't help but stop thinking about quitting. I only have two more days left and I want to say FUCK IT. I looked up casserole recipes to cook for dinner tonight. How absurd is that? I'm looking up recipes to cook but not for myself. I did that the other day. I got really excited about cooking seasoned potatoes for Gabe. Those potatoes could have been the shiznizzle but I wouldn't know. Gabe said they tasted good but he could have been lying for all I know. And if he did lie and said they were good he knew that he could get away with it because I'd never know!!

The "high" feeling I had yesterday is gone. All I want to do is lay around and do nothing all day but I'm so anxious, so I can't. I tried vegging out at the couch this morning but I felt useless and guilty for wanting to do that - because that's what the old Steph would do... take the easy road and be a lazy ass.

OK, I'm off. I'll clean the damn house.

You should see my tongue...

2007-11-16T19:22:00.000-08:00

It's very white in the middle. And my mouth feels like it has a film cover. I just talked to Jenn (my sister, for those of you who don't know) and she said the reason I'm feeling weird today is because my body is really detoxing. I've read that people have black poo or it burns when they go #2 at this point in the cleanse. Haven't had that but all those symptoms are supposed to show that the toxins are leaving your body. I haven't had that experience... yet.

It's friday night and I'm not really looking forward to the weekend. This weekend will be day 8 and 9 with no food. I usually look forward to the weekends because I can eat and take a nap. But I guess it's a good thing I won't eat because if it was a normal weekend I'd eat a shitload and then take a nap.

OMG, I just remembered something I did a long time ago. Here's some perspective at how nasty my eating habits were:

My good friend, Christine knows this story all too well. One time I ate Cheetos in bed. Yes, I really do love chips. The next morning, I went to class and after it was over, I was walking to my next class with Christine. She took a closer look and found something stuck on my face. Guess what it was. I'll give you a clue. It was orange.

I'm disgusting and I hope to never be that way again.

I feel high

2007-11-16T16:30:00.001-08:00

More like "stoned" - I wonder why... For a few days this week, I felt so awake and up.

I wonder what would happen if I ate any of the following the day I get off the cleanse:

-Pop Rocks
-My fave drink, Orange Fanta
-Steak
-Mac n cheese, the instant microwaveable kind
-chips

I'd probably die. First my stomach would explode. Then, I'd die.

I have so much energy!

2007-11-15T17:25:00.000-08:00

Energy? Good. Sleep at night? Good. Allergies? Gone.

Day 6

2007-11-15T06:01:00.000-08:00

It's day 6 of my cleanse and it's 6 a.m. I've been up since 4:30 because I had some cramping. I did the salt water flush... you know the story. The stomach ache is gone and hopefully won't happen again today.

I'm going to a time management training today. Only problem is that folks are going to probably notice that I'll be taking about 1,427 trips to the bathroom to pee. I think I go to the bathroom every 15-30 minutes. At least at work, I'm not in a classroom setting and people are looking at their desks/computers so no one really notices how often I take the trip to the bathroom.

I'm feeling very anxious for this to end now. I guess what will get me through the day is that I'll get to watch The Office tonight. Oh wait! The writer's strike. Fuck. I hope it's a new episode.

If I could eat something right now, it would be an egg on toast, or what I like to call "eggy bread" and one bite (just one bite) of bacon.

I'm not me

2007-11-14T21:46:00.000-08:00

If you know me well, you'd be surprised to know that I've evolved into the following:

a) a clean freak
b) someone who can smell, breathe out of my nose
c) not sleepy

Say what?

Yeah, who knows if these new personality traits will stick around when I'm off the cleanse. Though, out of the three, I'd like to definitely keep option b and c to my post master cleanse life. Before this, I pretty much had a notorious allergy problem. I've been told I breathe so loudly out of my mouth, I sound like Darth Vader.

I'll probably just jinx myself but I've had a really positive experience so far. I'm halfway to my goal and I haven't had a crappy day yet. Today probably was the worst, just because all day I felt like I was going to have a headache but every single time I felt like it was going to come, I guzzled a bunch of water.

I'm awake and hyper all day, I sleep well at night, I haven't had a sip of alcohol, my skin feels softer.

I lasted through a work Thanksgiving potluck, free pizza at work again AND an event at the Supperclub with fancy shmancy three course meal. Yeah, folks... I'm the bomb diggity.

Thinking of doing it? Here's the recipe...

2007-11-14T14:06:00.000-08:00

What you need for the 10-day master cleanse:
*LOTS of lemons and/or limes, preferably organic
*At least 80 fluid ounces of grade B maple syrup
*1/2 pound of non-iodized sea salt, light gray saltic sea salt
*Cayenne pepper, powdered (organic preferred)
*Box of herbal laxative tea (smooth move)
*Peppermint tea (use
*5 gallons purified water with no fluoride
*3 gallons extra

Recipe
*2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemons or lime juice
*2 tablespoons of grade B organic maple syrup
*1/10 teaspoon cayenne pepper (or 1/8 tspoon)
*8 ounces purified spring water
***Drink at least 6 of these a day

Make sure to CONSTANTLY drink water throughout the day. One good tip... every time you drink the spicy lemonade, drink twice as much water.

Every night (including the night before you start it), drink smooth move, laxative tea (1 cup)

*Next morning, drink quart (four cups) of water with 2 teaspoons of salt (drink all in one sitting) – experiment with temp of water to your liking, mix water until salt completely dissolves
Please note: The salt water drink is very difficult to consume. Try to drink it as fast as you can and all in one sitting. You'll have the "urge" soon after. This is really the staple to this detox... This actually CLEANSES you.
Very important: ½ hour to hour, stay near a toilet for the next one hour to half hour – plan day accordingly

40 percent done

2007-11-13T19:38:00.000-08:00

Four days ago I started the master cleanse. If you're not familiar, most people recognize it as the lemonade diet. Or that thing Beyonce did to lose 20-something pounds. Or what people often misconceive as a diet to lose weight fast. Yes, I've been losing weight but it's so much more than that.

Rewind to five days ago... My work kindly provided lunch, candy, OJ, coffee, bagels and cream cheese (garlic and herbs, baby). And yes, I ate all of the above. For some of these food items, I went for seconds, thirds. At the end of that day, I felt like shit. I was full, my pants were way too tight, I was tired and grumpy. It was Friday... I'm supposed to be happy for the weekend.

Despite the fact that I felt like I ate too much for that day, I soon forgot about how I felt 20 minutes after I stuck a piece of Take Five in my mouth at 3 p.m.

By 4:30 p.m., I decided to eat another half sandwich before leaving work. Ugh. So what did I do when I got home? Gabe and I ate. Because that's what we do. Eat. That's what I do with everyone I know.

I eat. I eat fast. I eat until I feel too full to function. I'm sick of feeling this way and being a glutton. Don't be fooled by my frame - it's called a fast metabolism. But it's no excuse to stuff my mouth every time I feel slightly hungry. I decided to get rid of all my body's toxins and, hopefully, have a better outlook on my lifestyle with food.

I heart chips... but I'm curious to see what I think of them in six days.